


My Immortal

by aconsultinghuntress26



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Depression, Drug Use, F/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-30
Updated: 2015-07-30
Packaged: 2018-04-12 03:51:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4464431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aconsultinghuntress26/pseuds/aconsultinghuntress26
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No one wanted you. You were worthless. And the one person that you thought you could count on had left.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Immortal

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT as of 4/8/18: I wrote the original in 2015 and my writing has since grown (I think). I re-read this and was inspired to update it. So here is the up dated version of this song fic. 
> 
> My Immortal- Evanescence  
> https://youtu.be/5anLPw0Efmo 
> 
> Disclaimer: Sebastian belongs to Yana Toboso. Song lyric belong to Evanescence.

**_I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears_ **

****

You laid on the mattress, eyes glazed over staring through the hole in the ceiling at the pitch black sky. Only a few small candles allowed you to see, while the drug coursing through your veins did nothing to dispel the emptiness that washed over you like tidal waves. All your fears and doubts and pain resurfaced with a vengeance. You knew that no one wanted you. How could they want someone so worthless? Someone so pitiful, pathetic, and forgettable. You weren’t wanted and everyone that once claimed to love you had left you. Abandonment hurt just as much as their words of hatred and disappointment. But _he_ wasn’t supposed to leave. That was the deal you made. He was supposed to protect you. Supposed to care for you and bring your heart’s desire into fruition. Yet here you were.

  
_**And if you have to leave**_  
_**I wish that you would just leave**_  
_**'Cause your presence still lingers here**_  
_**And it won't leave me alone**_

****

He did leave. In fact it had been days since you’d last seen him, your demon assistant. You should have known that the years of abuse couldn’t be masked over like that. When he didn’t respond to your calls and he was nowhere to be found you were quick to assume the worst. You fell right back into your despair. The only true constant in your life was the knowledge that you would be always and forever alone. The deep cuts on your heart and soul began to bleed anew.

 

****_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase_

****

You had left your shared loft, searching for a familiar setting where you could hopefully die in peace. Your thoughts running ragged through your mind in a whirl wind. You had everything you needed. You were to take enough drugs to build up your courage and dull some of the pain before you were to drag the razor up your forearms. But you couldn’t even do that. You only got as far as injecting the heroin into your arm. The razor slipped from your hand as your mind clouded over and you were brought back to the many nights where it had been your only salvation. The memories of your past drifting in and out alongside memories of the last year with him.  
  
**_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_**  
**_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_**  
**_And I held your hand through all of these years_**  
**_But you still have all of me_**

****

The demon watched from the skylight above as the young girl gazed with unfocused attention past him. He merely wanted to see if he had made any progress to fulfilling his conditions of the contract. It turns out only her body had healed so far. Not a single piece of her soul had stitched itself with another. And no demon wants a shredded soul to feast on. However, a soul that has been rebuilt; a soul that has been brought back to life…THAT was a meal worth cultivating. Nevertheless, he was frustrated by the fact that more work would have to be done. She proved to be hard to read as when he was with her she would smile and laugh. She would show all the signs and behaviors that humans had when feeling joy and love.  So he loathed to admit he may have misread and significantly underestimated the extent of the damage that her life had on her soul. Just how broken was his mistress? But Sebastian would be even more damned if he was going to give up yet. Her soul would be his, just like all those humans he served before her. He would hold up his end of the contract. Surely it couldn’t be that difficult to create an environment so a human could experience real and genuine love. His mistress wanted nothing more than to feel that she was cared for by another. And apparently to care for another equally in return. But the men so far just wouldn’t stay. He couldn’t understand why they didn’t see just how exquisite she was. Even with the tattered pieces of her soul she was beautiful. Well…beautiful for a human. He continued to watch the [h/c] woman as she brought the needle to her arm. Such a broken soul, not even the drug gave her any relief. He hated having to do everything himself at times.  
  
**_You used to captivate me by your resonating light_**  
**_Now I'm bound by the life you left behind_**

You paced around the large empty room of the abandoned warehouse, the rush of adrenaline that coursed through you needing to be expelled. It was only a matter of time before the crash brought you back to an empty state.

“Why did he leave me?” The whisper ghosted past your lips into the night. “What did I do?” Your hands wove into your [h/c] locks, pulling at the roots out of the frustration you felt. You had been so grateful that he came to you. He filled you with such hope as he whispered words of a better life. A life where you mattered. Where you were worth something. However, you now realized that his words were nothing but lies. There was still no one that cared for you, not even him. _‘Honestly what did you expect from a demon [First]?’_

“I knew it. I just knew it!” The tears flowed down your dirty cheeks and dripped from your chin. “My life is nothing but shit!” You again concluded that a shit life was not worth living.

 

**_Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me_ **

 

You sat back down on the mattress before picking up the razor again to examine it. The image of your assistant’s face sprung into your mind. Bile instantly made its way up your throat. _‘He’s probably not even looking for you. Why would he?’_ Negative thoughts continued to swirl in your mind, encouraging you to finally get on with it. You barely registered the feeling of cool metal on your skin before your hands were stilled.

 “Easy now.” The soothing baritone of the one voice you desperately wanted to hear enveloped you. “Your skin is too beautiful to scar in such a manner.” He pried the razor out of your grasp and it clattered to the floor. You began to chuckle.

“I can’t get him out of my head even while I’m dying. Pathetic.” Your body went slack as the numbness took over. “You’re not really here.” Your chuckle turned into laughter, but the tears still streamed down your face. You brought your hand to his cheek expecting it to pass through the apparition.  

“I promise you I am.” He kneeled before you, gently pushing the filthy and sweat drenched hair out of your face. “Let’s go home now love.”

“Don’t call me that.” You voice was barely above a whisper as you looked directly into his crimson eyes. “No one can love me.” Your body fell back onto the mattress and your unfocused eyes traveled back to the skylight above you. Without a word he forced your body to sit up again, pulling you to his chest.

“Don’t say such things dear one.” You almost mistook his tone for being genuine concern. But you knew better, all that his words made you do was cry. He continued to sooth you by rubbing circles on your back and holding you tight against him. Your body began to tremble from the sheer sadness that was overtaking you. A demon shouldn’t act this kind. So why was he? You felt his warm lips press against your cool and sticky forehead. Immediately you grabbed the fabric of his white dress shirt like it was a life line. In fact it was. He was the life line that kept you tethered to this world.

 

****_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along_

 

“Sebastian…please…” You were gripping onto him so tightly your knuckles began to turn white. “Please…can you…even if it’s just a lie, love me?” You began to sob even harder at the silence that followed.  

“Yes darling.” He gently lifted your chin and pressed his warm lips to yours. “Anything for you.” **_  
_**


End file.
